PART 29

Oyveh! (says the honorary Jewish/late twenties agnsty male),

Woke up from a nap feeling insane. My first thoughts are… is this it? Is the the day I’ve completely detached myself from all things good? all things whole and real? Will I quickly realize that I care not for my vintage boots found at a low cost? Or whether the Battle Star Galactica will ever reach Earth or not? Or in my girlfriend’s fabulous taste in men’s head wear? Alas, the coast is clear. (side note: misuse the word alas. It’s incredibly enjoyable.)

I dreamt my father died and some old man from my “church going days” kept asking to stay put because he had to go light a flame to hand off to me. A LITERAL flame. Sometimes I bore myself to death in my own dreams. I told the old man I didn’t want it and I remember feeling sorry for him, and at the same time, fearful of his age. That doesn’t make sense.. But won’t it be horrible to begin to lose those that make us… us? Answer: yes.

2011 will be the year of the increase in filling out dry erase monthly planner calendars, the furtheration of a taxidermy collection, the recession of book purchasing, the elevated avoidance of caffeine and sugar and nicotine, and the overall addition of repetitive thankfulness for who and what I’ve been given. Thank you great cloud in the sky. You are hovering at an amazingly appropriate height these days. Just enough dark edges. Just enough light breaking through. Don’t loose focus. Keep it together.